I picked the right star to wish on!

I'm not one to truly believe that wishing gets you anywhere, but that doesn't mean I don't do it.

I can't believe I got what I wanted. How scary!

After heading to the Dr.'s last Monday to get a ..blood test...ick! I waited for what seemed FOREVER! Which turned out to only be 3 days...but 3 days too long! Anyways, I finally called the office because they were supposed to call me the next day, and of course they had my number wrong, so I told them to have the nurse call me back ASAP! I need to get on prenatals if I am, or find out what is wrong with me if I'm not! So FINALLY, nurse calls me and says "So, you want to know the results of the pregnancy test, right?" ....yes, that would be the idea.... "it was POSOTIVE." and my mouth hangs open.... "uhhh, alright."

Nurse, knowing that I'm being a bit quiet, says one more time, "Soo, it was posotive, ok?"

"umm, yea, ok, bye." CLICK*

I honestly WAS NOT expecting that I would actually be preggo, I thought, "hey, it's possible, but it's probably something else." So I was fully waiting to hear a "negative" and then I could make a Dr's appt to find out what's really wrong.

Uhhh, but no, there is a little cluster of cells growing inside of me that we like to refer to as a "fetus".

YEAY FOR FETUS'!!!

But wait....Brayden now makes too much to get any state assistance, so we are now going to be paying for our food and medical..which means, I'm gonna be paying for this Fetus! I hate that when you finally get back on your feet they punish you by taking away any help...lame system!

So, I am horribly scared, and overwhelmingly excited for this new addition to our family!

HOPE IT'S A GIRL!!!

Maximus

Yes please, may I have another?

I love this boy, he loves to get right in my face and smile until I laugh, and then he starts laughing too. I LOVE it!

He makes me want uno mas.

Secretly Praying

....That I'm pregnant.

I think I might be ready for another beast. I am "late" about 2 weeks, but with two FALSE tests, could I still be? I'm hoping, yes.

I'm sure there will be those who think I'm just bored and don't know what I'm talking about....true, I am slightly bored sitting at home all day, but I don't really want to add more sleepless nights into the equation unless it's more than just "being bored." Brayden is excited for our little "maybe", and of course I am too. But if I'm not "P", oh well, it'll happen when it happens.

I am concerned, then, of my constant tinkling. What is causing me to sprint to the bathroom every 30 minutes? I wake up about 3x's a night!! (just to tinkle ). I do not drink more than normal, which is generally MAYBE, 2 glasses of anything per day...bad, I know. So, why the constant flow? I'm stumped. Not to mention the crazy emotions!

Pretty sure I started crying while I watched Maury the other day. I never realized just how sad it is that those poor people actually LIVE like that normally! And those poor babies! Not knowing who their "Baby Daddy" is?! SAD!!!!! Plus the overwhelming LOVE I feel for my hubby lately. He is amazing, but I'm almost positive he's done nothing major to make this happen, just I have come to realize how much I appreciate him. But then, of course, if he says/does something I don't agree with, I get all grumpy and pouty and say he doesn't love me.

Ummmm....what the heck?! Maybe I'm about to "start", but I like to think I'm not that unstable regularly, even when it's "that time"

Don't worry, I'll let you know how it goes either way....

Eternal love

I cannot even begin to express how grateful I am for what I have, but I'm going to try!

First off, I have one amazing husband. We have been through so much together, I'm sure there have been many times when it would have been easier to just walk away, but we've stuck it out. I couldn't be happier. Every day things just get better and better, just when I think things are as good as they can get, he does something to make it even better. My heart is so full of love for Brayden, especially since we were sealed together in the temple, there is a noticeable change between us.

We have committed to be together for not only this life, but for the rest of eternity, it helps put things in perspective for us. It's easier to overlook the little things, because now I know that in the long run, it won't matter. What matters is that we are always on the same page, working together towards the same goals. Having a partner to be by my side through everything is more than I could ask for. My life finally has joy in it. I wake up every day with a heart full of thanks to God for the blessing of having my husband and my son in my life. I don't know how I ever lived without them before, my life was pointless before them, and now I have a purpose because of them.

My son, Max, is my second biggest blessing next to my husband. It doesn't matter if he keeps me up all night crying, or he poops,pukes, or pees on me, I enjoy every moment that I have with him. Growing up, I always wanted to be a mother, it was pretty much my only goal...sadly. For a long time I didn't think I could have kids, especially when I was diagnosed with endometriosis. I was scared, but hopeful. Then, two weeks after getting married, I got pregnant with my little Maximus! I was terrified that I wouldn't be a good enough mother for him because of my past mistakes. I didn't want to screw up this perfect little soul that God was entrusting to me. But I reminded myself that this was a miracle, the one thing I ever wanted, I was finally getting, even after I was told that it would be extremely difficult for me. The first time I saw my little monster on the ultrasound, I fell in love. I didn't understand how anyone could look at that screen and say they wanted to end its life, but I guess everyone has their excuses.

When Max was born he was taken away from me for two hours because he was dehydrated, it was the longest hours of my life! He was so perfect! The entire time we were in the hospital, and every day after, he was so sweet and peaceful. My life has been forever changed because of my little angel. There is something remarkable about being a mother, I have been awakened from a sleep it feels like. My entire life is now devoted to this little man. It makes me love my husband so much more, I want to make sure we have an amazing relationship and we never fight so our son never has to experience what Brayden and I had to.

I am so grateful that Brayden and I have chosen to depend on our Heavenly Father for all things. I have found that simply having a pure desire for something good is all it takes to get it. Every time I've truly wanted to better myself in an area, the Lord has blessed me. I believe that the reason we are so blessed is because we acknowledge the Lord's hand in all things. I know I would be nothing without Him, I would have nothing without Him. I just can't remember how I lived without my family before, it all seems like a blur until this point in my life. Like I wasn't really living until now. I seriously cannot believe how amazingly blessed I am! Yes, we're poor, yes we shop at thrift stores, and yes, we drive a '95 Saturn that's bright teal and smells like smoke and dogs. But oh well, all that stuff is temporary. I know that when I die all that stuff will not matter, because I will have my husband and children with me, and I could never ask God for anything more than that!

I trust in God, but not only that, I FEAR God! I know that He has given me all, and He can take all back. I don't ever want to offend Him, and that's mainly because I LOVE Him! I am blessed in my health, to be in this country, that I can have children, that I have the freedom to write this, that I have a save place to sleep at night, family that loves us, friends, food in my fridge, a full pantry, a husband who wants to work so I can stay home, clean clothes, a tv, computer, all things, but above all else, a savior who chose to give his life, willingly, to ensure that I could make it back to my Father above... and I know he would do it even if I was the only one to save! I'm grateful for the fact that I can repent of my past mistakes, and that I am forgiven too. =D

How could I ever complain?

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I love being pregnant!

Okay, not really. But it's actually not half as bad as I thought it would be. All the discomforts have been quite manageable, I haven't had any real complications, and the end has come sooner than I thought. Just recently my back and hips have been throbbing, making it sometimes near impossible to sleep more than 30mins at a time, but even still, I'm usually pretty well rested when I wake up. Makes me wonder.... will my son be a monster? Did I get this nice easy pregnancy because God knew what I was in for in the end?? I hope not, but even so, isn't that supposed to be part of being a mother, all the stress and pain of raising a child? I can't wait! =]

Now, if only this little guy would come out! I know I'm not due until the 16th, but come this Monday, that'll be two weeks away...which by my calculations means that he should come out then! ha! Oh, I wish! I guess all the whining and complaining won't make him come any sooner, so I'm going to try and not concern myself with "due dates", and just keep going like he won't be here for another month or so...maybe then I'll be happy with whenever he comes!! =] We'll see!

Familia

Last Friday my dad and Trudy came down to visit! I was great having them around, especially since they cooked (haha). But seriously.... I miss being close to family now. I guess that's what happens when you "grow up".. you tend to move away and try and find what's right for you. sometimes I wonder if leaving Ephrata was all that smart... but then I try and imagine living there still, and I get quite frustrated! We moved here so Brayden could go to school and we could be close by Ryan and Morgan, but I miss everyone back home so much, it almost doesn't feel worth it. All the struggles with insurance and money and such... it's no fun. So it was really REALLY nice to have my dad and Trudy here, even just for a week. But of course when they left I was pretty dang sad. I can't help but be emotional as it is, so I really try to distance myself from my emotions so I'm not constantly crying. But, of course, once I see my dad crying, all walls are broken down! It's so hard to see your father cry! I am glad they made it home safely though, and I know soon enough they'll be back to visit, along with other family members, so I shouldn't be too sad.

Run-Down

I haven't written in a while, I'm a terrible blogger! So here's the run-down of what's been going on.

-We moved into our new apartment on September 8th

-We ran out of money around the same time from fixing the pathfinder

-Brayden started his new job at Teleperformance on the 8th as well

-My state medical FINALLY kicked in!

-While browsing online for furnishings for our house, I met the Fielding's family who are actually good friends of Leslie Pugh's family in Ephrata!

-Brayden has been trading guns online as a hobby, and currently traded for a 1916 gun (not sure of the name.)

-Brayden met a friend at work who took us shooting... Brayden triumphantly shot a squirrel.

-We went to dinner at the Fielding's, who turned out to be really nice and fun! They helped us load and unload all the furniture they GAVE us (amazing people!)

-I have my first doctor's appointment on Wednesday with my Midwife! (we'll see how I like her)

-The 24th... Brayden finally gets his first paycheck!

-Oh, and we sold the toyota, finally.

So there you go, not in perfect chronological order.. but pretty much you get it!

I can't wait for my Dr.'s appt.! I'll post again when I get back from it!!