Just a crazy thought....

Wow, ok follow me on this one. So I was thinking about the "real"ness of the gospel, and it reminds me of "the force" in Star Wars. The force is very real, just as the gospel is. You can't "see" the "force" and you can't see with your eyes the power of the gospel. All there is to see to testify of both is the aftermath. You see things moving, seemingly on their own, in Star Wars, but you just "know" that is the force. Well, how do you know that? Some guy looks steadfastly at an object and it begins to levitate, but that could all be coincidence, right? Maybe he noticed the object moving and looked over just at that exact moment. It seems people will argue the same about the gospel. How can it be that when you see something happening and you call it a miracle, or the workings of God, that it isn't just you hopeing that that is what it is?  I hate that I'm making a comparison to something that's make-believe...oh well.  All I'm trying to say is that just because you can't "see" the gospel, doesn't mean that it's not working at full force around you. I have heard religion refered to as a "Santa Clause" effect for the human mind. "Let's pretend that there is someone out there that you can't see, but he's watching your every move and deciding if you get that raise or not based on how good you are." Yes, that would be a genuis plan for our forefathers to lay out for us... creating a supreme being that you need to please in order to get rewarded when you die, of course people will do good with that over their head. But it's so much more than that, and I'm sure that even if they did think it all up as a conspierecy to keep us in-line, well I can't help but think that there wasn't some thoughts put in there from above. It's too perfect of a plan to be masterminded by a human. Every aspect of this unseen, unknown "gospel" is perfect, you can call it a trick, mind control, or anything else to make you feel better about not doing what you know is right. 

Oh man, I have gone completely off on this, lol.... getting carried away. Anyways, I'm just saying that you can sit all day and rationalize away how things happen the way they do and how the world even got here. But without accepting the fact that there is a supreme creator out there that is very real and very much playing a part in your life, then you're better off assumeing that it was just luck that Anakin's light saber just happened to fly into his hand as Darth Mal was comming at him. AAAAnnnnnndddd, I'm done. =]

The Gospel is real.

Having faith is some-what of a struggle for me. The best way to describe my relationship with my Heavenly Father is this: I walk in front of him and I do things MY way, I tell him that I want to do it for myself to see if I can do it on my own. Then, when I fail (as I always do without Him) I finally ask for His help with cleaning up my mess. It never works, so I think it's time to just let Him show me how to do it right the first time, cause I obviously have no idea what I'm doing. I'm glad that I've finally sat down and pondered on why it is that things never seem to go right with me.

 This is where my lack of faith comes in. I don't trust the Lord. After so many years of me telling Him to take the backseat in my life, now I have no idea what He actually is capable of!  When it comes time to make a decision, I faithfully pray, then with the answer the Lord has unmistakenly given me, I take it and weigh it out in my head with what I want to do. Then I do what I think I would like best at the time... sometimes it's His plan, and sometimes it's mine. I need to be humble and faithful to the end. It's very scary to think that this is how I've been making my choices in life, I mean obviously I've been doing something wrong to get me where I"ve been... but when I actually think about it realistically like this, it makes sence, I'm obviously going to be miserable when I am blantantly ignoring the Lord.

Through this whole experience with Brayden, I have come to realize that I don't have all the answers, and sometimes when we think something horrible is going on, it really can be a blessing. I thought I was gonna be heart broken forever when Brayden left, but for the spiritual growth that has happened in me, I would go through it a million times. I know my Heavenly Father loves me, I know He hears my prayers and He answers them too. I know He wants the best for me, even when I'm giving Him the cold shoulder, and I only hope that I can give that kind of love to someone else. That truely is what the gospel is all about, sharing that love with everyone.The gospel is such a perfect plan, there may not be room to error within, but once without there are infinite ways to help you get back on track. Ok, well I gotta go do some shopping now. I love you all! The church is TRUE!!!! lol

Ephrata, the 3rd time around...

 I think I'm gonna be moving back to Ephrata for a while. I'm hopeing I can get my old job back, working at Time Out, but we'll see. I figure this is the smartest way to go about things, I can be working and puting money away, and be around family too.  So now I have some time to get set up and so does Brayden, and I"ll be in a good position no matter what happens, if one day he decides he's ready to get married, or if the other happens... either way I'm gonna be ok. =]

Those who know me

Know that I keep quiet when there's nothing to be said. I don't mean to say that I don't talk often, or anything like that; I mean to say that when my life has nothing going on, I tend to keep to myself.

It's been nine months since my last post on here, and honestly, not too many exciting things have happened to me since then. I moved to Spokane, had a boyfriend move up here for me, been working two jobs, and still can't seem to get myself to go to college. But something changed last week, and I figured it was time for a new post. Last week Brayden decided to move to Arizona, for a handful of reason, including the fact that he was just plain home-sick for family. Now, this is in no way a put-down toward him, or me even saying that us being together was ever a mistake. I just know that Brayden moving here in the first place wasn't too smart. He is so young, and I knew he needed time to find himself before he made such a life-changing decision, but being so young, of course he pulled a Kaylee, and he came here on raw emotion. It never felt too good for him to be here, even though I absolutly love the poo out of him and loved every moment of being around him... still, I knew it would come to an end. So as things went on, I of course was thinking about marriage, but it seems it was too soon for Brayden. I think the thought of being married right now helped him realize just how young he is, which is great. I'm quite thankful that he come to this realization before he actually married me and then freaked out and did something stupid. So now he's in Arizona with his brother and he wants to get himself together before he takes that next step. Irionically, that's quite a mature move on his part. =]

So my first instinct when he left was to immediatly follow to be closer to him, cause I figured the least I could do was move somewhere for him the way he did for me. But no, that would be quite immature on my part. So I've decided that I need to get Kaylee all straight away right now, so when Brayden is straight away we can be heading in the same direction finally. My plans are soft-of unsure at this point, but I do have two stable plans to work around. One is that I will be staying in Spokane close to MY family, and the second is, I will be attending Paul Mitchell the school downtown as well. It's a 15month program, but there is the freedom to transfer within the school after the first two months. I considered moving to Phoenix to go to the Paul Mitchell there and of course be 2 1/2 hrs closer to Brayden, but the truth is that he made his dicision, and he chose to move a couple hundred miles away. So I think for now he needs to know how it feels to make big choices like that and not have it sugar-coated by having his girlfriend follow him and make it easier on him. I love him more than anything, and I hope one day we do get married and we are both where we need to be in life; no more emotion driven dicision. 

So that's all I got for now. I guess I better keep this updated now....