Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Our poor kids!

So there's an application on Facebook which allows you to create "baby pictures" useing you and your significant others' face. Soooo, without much further adu, I give you Brayden and my 3 children!

This one worries me...... =[


Oddly, I make a cute little boy... who looks eerily like little Loyd Burleson!!

And this one.. maybe it's the nose, but he looks too manly to be 3. All of extremely creepy to say the least!!
So I hope you enjoyed, but I'm more worried about what this little guy inside me must look like! :O!!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Blissfully ignorant.



I am blissfuly happy in my ignorance of what's to come. In the moment I am completely content with my life. I don't know if my life will stumble out of control in a week or two, redepositing me into the dark hole I just emerged from, but if it does, then I don't want to over-look this peaceful moment in my life. Life is a struggle, one where I am constantly finding my hands tied as I desperatly try to clean up the messes I've created. So please, no one take this tranquility from me.
I am so happy with my husband right now, and I've wondered if this is me settling, but I think I've just realized that any victory is still a victory. I may not get my fairy-tail life, but maybe that's not what was intended for me. Maybe it was and I just missed that chance. Who knows. All I know is that right now I am married to a man who I almost gave up, who is now proving to me that he really does want to do better in life and that he loves me. I can't believe the man that will walk through my front door in about an hour, give me a kiss and hold me, is the same one who gave up on happiness only a week ago. All it takes is a want to change, and I'm so thankful he wants to.
I don't understand God and his workings, I try my best to figure out what He wants.. but with no real luck there. But right now I think things have been going the way they have because I have not fully appreciate what exactly He has given me. I have so much to be thankful for, and all I could do was complain and cry to God about it. I am stuborn and opinionated, but I'm not stupid. I think God knew I would figure it out if He pushed me past my breaking point. So I thank Him for doing so. Had he not, I may have lost someone very important to me.
I'm only 21, I got married fast, got pregnant fast, and headed toward divorce fast. I probably should have taken my time, but that's how I was living my life; fast. Now I've had to slow down and really take a hard look at what it is that I'm doing.
I think I'm going to sit back and relax a little now. It's funny how sometimes everything in your life can be going seemingly great, but you are so depressed. It's even funnier how things can be falling apart all around you and you couldn't be happier. As long as Brayden and I are good, I think everything will be good to me. I can't wait to meet the little man we created together! So for now, I think even though nothing's figured out as to what comes next, I'm going to just enjoy the fact that my little family is still together right now. =]

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

California

Thursday morning Brayden and I left for Anza, California, but the trip started out pretty bad for me. All that pressure changing and turbulence on the plane made me sick the whole time. Then after Brayden's amazing mom and step-dad came to pick us up, we had to drive through some windy roads up a mountain, which left me even more naseated. BUT, the scenery was gorgeous! So worst of the trip was the driving (which we had to do to get anywhere) and the planes, other than that it was pretty fun.

We visited a little mountain town about 20 minutes away called Idyllwild, which is now my favorite place. It was so green and beautiful up there! It looks like quite a small town because every house is hidden behind so many trees, but it actually has about 1,000 more people than Ephrata does. Brayden and his dad Nick took me to the local look-out point up there, it was so amazing! I was terrified because you drive up to the edge of this mountain, but it wasn't too bad. They hiked down a little, but I stayed up where it was safe =]. It was so pretty though, all around was gorgeous mountains, and off in the distance you could see all these huge towns, and even the ocean. I loved it!

I had a good time, especially since I was finally able to meet most of my in-laws! I think they liked me, and I really loved them!! They already bought so many baby clothes for me, and Brayden's mom even bought me a few outfits from Motherhood. I felt like I was being spoiled, but I loved it! haha.

Monday, June 1, 2009

"Can a banana fit in there?"


I've been trying to get Brayden a little more into the fact that I'm pregnant with his kid. For some reason guys just don't seem as interested in the whole pregnancy thing, usually takes the kid actually being born for them to realize "Wow! It's a baby!" So, I get emails weekly with updates about how far along I am and other tidbits of pregnancy info, one of which was a video of the 3 trimesters and the changes the baby goes though. So I watched them, loving every second of it, and falling deeper in love with this little guy inside of me... and I thought juuuuust maybe this video was something that could get Brayden a little more interested in what's going on.


Sunday morning after we're both ready for church, I sit down and casually bring up the video's and turn up the sound so I know he can hear in the other room. So I watch the first parts, the ones about the first trimester just he can hear it (cause I know it takes him a while to wonder into the room and check things out.) So just as it's ending he comes walking in wondering what I'm watching (YES!) so I non-shalantly explain what it is as the next video starts to play, the one that talks about what's going on right now in my pregnancy. It talks about the growth, that he can now hear us talking and such, and he's actually starting to move around quite a bit now.
My plan worked, Brayden was way into it, but it slightly backfired too. The video said that the baby should now be about the size of a small banana in length, to which my lovely husband asked, "Can a banana fit in there?" I just said I figued so, but he was all fired up and said that I wasn't big enough! (lol!!) He said that there's no way that baby's as big as a banana! That I need to be eating way more than I do so our baby will be big and healthy! (I was slightly offended and extremely amused.) So now every time we eat, he tells me, "Give this to the baby" and hands me more of everything.
I'm glad Brayden's actually concerned now with what's going on with our baby, all during church he kept reaching over and puting his hands on my stomach and when he couldn't feel anything, he'd shove it around to try and "wake up the baby." I tried to explain that he probably wouldn't feel him moving yet, but he wanted to try. Too cute (minus the cramping I got from him pushing on my stomach so much!) Oh well, I like that he thinks he's an expert on the baby, now I can talk to him about what's going on and he'll actually pay attention! I am worried though, that he's gonna make me a beast cause he's so concerned that I'm not eating enough. =] Whatever, at least Brayden doesn't care if I get big, and I'm glad my little plan worked too!!