Blissfully ignorant.

I am blissfuly happy in my ignorance of what's to come. In the moment I am completely content with my life. I don't know if my life will stumble out of control in a week or two, redepositing me into the dark hole I just emerged from, but if it does, then I don't want to over-look this peaceful moment in my life. Life is a struggle, one where I am constantly finding my hands tied as I desperatly try to clean up the messes I've created. So please, no one take this tranquility from me.
I am so happy with my husband right now, and I've wondered if this is me settling, but I think I've just realized that any victory is still a victory. I may not get my fairy-tail life, but maybe that's not what was intended for me. Maybe it was and I just missed that chance. Who knows. All I know is that right now I am married to a man who I almost gave up, who is now proving to me that he really does want to do better in life and that he loves me. I can't believe the man that will walk through my front door in about an hour, give me a kiss and hold me, is the same one who gave up on happiness only a week ago. All it takes is a want to change, and I'm so thankful he wants to.
I don't understand God and his workings, I try my best to figure out what He wants.. but with no real luck there. But right now I think things have been going the way they have because I have not fully appreciate what exactly He has given me. I have so much to be thankful for, and all I could do was complain and cry to God about it. I am stuborn and opinionated, but I'm not stupid. I think God knew I would figure it out if He pushed me past my breaking point. So I thank Him for doing so. Had he not, I may have lost someone very important to me.
I'm only 21, I got married fast, got pregnant fast, and headed toward divorce fast. I probably should have taken my time, but that's how I was living my life; fast. Now I've had to slow down and really take a hard look at what it is that I'm doing.
I think I'm going to sit back and relax a little now. It's funny how sometimes everything in your life can be going seemingly great, but you are so depressed. It's even funnier how things can be falling apart all around you and you couldn't be happier. As long as Brayden and I are good, I think everything will be good to me. I can't wait to meet the little man we created together! So for now, I think even though nothing's figured out as to what comes next, I'm going to just enjoy the fact that my little family is still together right now. =]