FAIL.

I may or may not have had a bit of a break-down yesterday. DON'T JUDGE ME!!

So, though we are SUPER blessed and life is great, I am going a bit nuts sitting inside my cramped little apartment having incoherent conversations with my child. Do not get me wrong here, I adore his babbling and I love spending 24/7 with him!! And who wouldn't? He's perfect...

But I just find myself doing less and less each day. I get up and think, "OK, feed Max, wait for nap time, take nap, get up, have lunch, then second nap, then wait for Brayden to get home."

What else can I do?

I feel trapped and pretty much like there is no point to anything I do, besides spending tons of time playing with Max.

(I have to make sure he feels/knows he's loved so he won't ever want to do anything to disappoint me, plus teaching him ABC's so he'll be a child-genius and make us tons of money.)

So that's where I spend all of my time. No wonder I'm exhausted all the time!

But seriously, with no car and not much money I feel like I just have to sit here all day. It's mind-numbing sometimes.

I'm dieing to get some stimulation to my brain, I don't even mind being alone so much as I mind just being bored.

I got a sewing machine (well two, one little one for quickies, and a big one for the real stuff) but I am now overwhelmed by how much it takes to actually plan and sew something! I have no patterns and like a couple pieces of scrap material to practice on. Lame, what can I do with that?

So fail on sewing.

I also have paints and canvas for painting, which I dabble with from time to time, but now that Max is awake more during the day and into everything, it seems very difficult to start any kind of project.

I feel like it's all just pointless because even though I have all the time in the world, that time can't be spent doing anything that requires too much focus, seeing as my attention is always having to divert back to my son crying/puking/getting into everything!!

How do you get over this?

I know I can do whatever I want, but how do you get past all the thoughts that hold you back? Because I'm sure I stress more than is needed, because there are tons of mommies who have adorable little boutiques down here which requires TONS of time. So why can't I finish a painting I started before Max was born?!

UGH!!!!!!

P.S. Anyone have easy/cheap dinner ideas you want to throw my way?? I'm running out of ideas and I feel bad making the same thing twice in a week!